Meritocratic fairy tale

THE STORY OF THE MERITOCRAT CAPITALIST

A MODERN FAIRY TALE

ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A CAPITALIST WHO GENUINELY BELIEVED THAT THE WORLD WAS A MERITOCRACY

Watch me and weep, losers

I have earned my wealth through my hard work: while everyone else is being lazy I spend 55 hours a week at the office scoring epic business deals and therefore I deserve to be rich

Nobody's as good as me at doing pointless shit in Excel and telling people to "align" in endless useless meetings

BUT LITTLE DID HE KNOW...
THE MERITOCRACY FAIRY WAS LISTENING TO HIM AND DECIDED TO MAKE HIS WISH COME TRUE

By the power of pointlessly gendered fairy magic, may the word become an actual meritocracy !

[a fairy casts a spell]

HE WENT TO CHECK ON THE CORPORATION HE HAD FOUNDED, BUT IT SEEMED TO BE GONE...

[main character]
Wait, why isn't my office here... something's very wrong

[random person]
Hey honey, look over there, it's one of those jackasses whose business relied on tax cuts and nepotism loans, ain't it hilarious when their corporation falls apart

[another random person]
lmao skull emoji

NOT FEELING SO WELL, HE HEADED TO THE BANK TO CHECK ON HIS MONEY

[main character]
What do you mean I never had much money at all, how about the millions I inherited from my father

[bank teller]
Inheri-what? There's no such thing as inheritance in a meritocracy, all you got is what you earn through hard work, go back to the coal mines you turd

IN A LAST DITCH EFFORT, HE PETITIONED THE GOVERNMENT TO RESTORE HIS MISSING GOODS

[random person]
Hey yo president Hard Working Farmer, I got a petition fmoo some random loser who thinks he should be given money for doing nothing

[president]
Hahahah prime minister Best Plumber In The Country, aren't these silly little nobles funny, send him to the gutter with the rest so he can clean our waste and maybe in a couple years he'll have earned the right to do a more chill job

AND SO HE DIED ALONE AND SAD, FROM AN AVOIDABLE ILLNESS

[person grieving over a tomb]
Oh my poor capitalist, I was your only friend in life, and I was so sad to learn that you died from an illness that wasn't treated in time due to being assigned a random doctor and getting a shitty one (it's a meritocracy you don't get to pay for the best doctors deal with it)

I hope that in death you will find the freedom that you never had in life due to your poor social status, amen

THE MERITOCRACY FAIRY HAD THE LAST LAUGH... AS USUAL

[fairy]
I also farted in his peanut butter jar
Twice
And married his childhood crush
Bwahaha!

WANTED A BETTER STORY?

YOU DIDN'T DESERVE ONE...
THIS IS A MERITOCRACY

THE END