The ballad of enlightened centrism

[smug character]
I'm not a left winger
I'm not a right winger
I'm just CORRECT

[black]
Ugh was that the enlightened centrism meme?
It's old and tired, we get it, yeah yeah, centrism is when you hear "the system is fueled by killing kids" and instead of saying maybe we shouldn't fuel it by killing people you think "how about we compromise by killing adults instead"
The whole thing is basically people saying "I'd rather not try any progress because it could end up worse" instead of admitting they are fine being part of an unjust system
Basically here's how it goes…

[nazi] I will cut above you
[commie] I will cut below you
[centrist] I will cut you in half

[neutral observer]
This makes sense and is a logical political statement
Centrists confirmed bad

[red]
I mean yeah fair point, this is real and not a metaphor or a strawman, therefore it does look like centrists are actually the bad ones
But that's because you're using the wrong example, here's a better one…

[leftist] I will chop your dick off
[rightist] I won't chop your dick off
[centrist] Circumcision

[neutral observer]
I actually want to get my dick chopped off so I might not be the best neutral observer for this one

[black]
I uh… what the fuck kinda point was this even making?

[red]
You might just not be enlightened enough to understand

[black]
I guess I need help to reach enlightment, can you give me more examples of radical centrism so that I can judge properly and reach an actual conclusion

[fascist] I am Hitler
[antifascist] I am not Hitler
[centrist] I will compromise by being 50% Hitler

[neutral observer]
Wow this centrist is clearly the best option here if our goal is to save democracy
Don't ask me why I just feel it

[zionist] Let's annex Palestine, one state solution!
[anti-zionist] Let's broker peace, two state solution!
[centrist] Uh… one and a half state solution I guess?

[neutral observer]
I am a neutral observer and I got the entirety of this comic fact checked before its publication

[conservative] Billionaires
[dirty commies] No billionaires
[centrists] Only a few billionaires, but we pinky promise they'll be nice

[neutral observer]
Wait there's no absurd humor in there, this is what radical centrists actually believe, where's the joke?
Disappointing panel tbh

[capitol] Hunger games
[districts] No hunger games
[centrists] Hunger games only on weekends…?

[neutral observer]
Yeah that's more like it, give me that anti-centroid mockery sauce baby… wait, am I really a neutral observer? I sound quite partisan right now

[black]
Yo Anton, gimme a beat to keep this smuggie going

[red]
You know how in American pie there's a scene where Jason Biggs fucked a pie?
Wonder what the radical centrism take on the should/shouldnt fuck a pie is

[black]
I uh...
Interesting

[red]
How do you half-fuck a pie anyways

[black]
I don't know but I'll explore this

[red]
Like, even if you manage to half-fuck a pie, everyone still gonna call you a pie fucker anyways

[black]
Yeah

[red]
Yeah

[right wing dog] dog
[left wing cat] cat
[compromising centrist] Catdog

[neutral observer]
Well catdog is obviously awesome, so I guess this settles it
My neutral observer conclusion is that radical centrists are correct overall